Girl I love this I could talk about this topic for days. The normalisation of pursuing older men has caused girls to get into situations they can't handle. None of them are aware of the mind fuckery it will put them through. It does work for some, but for many it will scar them. Young men do need to step up though. I also believe many girls pursue older men because it feels like they're the only ones with their shit together so young men come across as very immature compared to older men.
But at the same time, it’s also just so sad that young girls feel compelled to even step into that territory. I mean so many shows I grew up on like gossip girl and pretty little liars. Definitely gave me that validation that I needed at 15 to feel secure within myself to start texting literally middle-aged men.😩😩😩😩
That is so scary ….
I’d love to hear your perspective on my newer piece where I talk about female friendships and that being a girls girl isn’t 100% possible all the time
For me it was Lana del rey. I love her but she made the idea of being with an older man so normal in my head. I'm still trying to rewire my brain😭 Yeah I'll give your new post a read💕
As a filmmaker and creative, I see art whether music, film, or visuals as a way to tell stories from a chosen perspective.
Lana Del Rey often writes and sings from the point of view of a naive young girl, reflecting her trauma and past experiences.
People who interpret this as her romanticizing age-gap relationships are taking it too literally and at face value. This misunderstanding fuels edits and imagery that wrongly romanticize older men, which then get associated with her music.
In reality, her work often critiques these dynamics, but through the lens of a character who doesn’t yet see the harm. From her newest songs like A&W or fishtail she mentions that she unfortunately got 🍇
Yeah I'm very aware that she's not romanticising it. I can't stand people who misunderstand songs like Lolita or Ultraviolence. Don't even get me started on the unreleased songs lol. However, constantly listening to certain lyrics does have an effect on my thoughts. "I got a taste for men who are older" "My old is a bad man but I can't deny the way he holds my hand" "You're wrong but you're so much fun". I think it made my brain perceive these wrong situations as fun and exciting. Which is quite a common mindset for teenagers to fall into. There's just so many theories on this that's why I could talk about it forever.
"that seeking the approval or affection of older men somehow makes us more desirable" I couldn't agree with you more, yet I suppose you know just as well as me that the propaganda runs DEEP. There's also this mind trick that teenage girls feel like if they "earn" the validation of an older man, it crowns them as "special" and proves their worth. Unfortunately, sobriety only hits after growing up and realizing that those fucking predators will validate any female human form of age xteen. Thank you for this piece; it's an issue I can't seem to stop thinking about. makes me feel like a child throwing a tantrum
I truly enjoyed the reading. Another perspective I'd like to point out is that there's often a narrative suggesting that the girl is exceptionally mature, implying that's the reason in the case of age gap relationship. However, I noticed that in many cases the reality is that the older man is the immature one and he may struggle to connect with peers his own age, that's why he relies on younger girls who see him like a trophy they managed to win
Thats so interesting i didnt even think of that! Thank you for the POV💕
I’d love to get your opinion on my most recent post where I talk about how it’s not possible for girls girls to be that 100% ! I’d love to hear from your POV!
Its bittersweet, im glad my writing is making you feel seen- on the other hand its depressing and disheartening that this is actually a common experience
this is such a good point. when you brought up the student and teacher dynamic that unfortunately reminded me of the time my virtual high school math teacher got charged for texting one of the girls!! my heart still breaks for her every time
Thanks for this I love this essay so so much — I swear one of the contributing problems is the fact that marketing and IG Lana Del Rey decided to make Lolita an AESTHETIC! What’s so gorgeous about a victim? But now when people think of Lolita I think their first thought goes to red, heart shape glasses and/or lollipops rather than the actual depravity of the power dynamics between people of different life stages 💀
With the whole Lana Del Rey Lolita thing I do see it differently.
Because I studied film everything that’s done in a music video or a created Image is done on purpose, but that doesn’t necessarily mean someone like Lana Del Rey is normalizing and romanticizing going after oldermen.
Sure she sings about it and it might sound like she is validating that experience but I think it’s that she’s honestly taking the perspective of a young girl who thinks this is the right thing to do, so shes singing and writing from that perspective in that voice .
It’s fans and people using her music, to re-emphasize what they believe Lana is saying which is romanticizing age gaps when they make those weird edits .
They are not understanding why she decided to write or sing from that perspective and are seeing it at face value
Me experimenting at 21 is SO different with my actions at 15. CHILDREN should not be texting and flirting with older adults .
This essay uses some personal stories and experiences from myself, not to normalize or excuse this behavior but to bring awareness to the fact that many young girls (and im sure some boys) are seeking validation from older people to get validation from them, to make them feel desirable. This is dangerous and absolutely not okay, but this continues to happen because mostly in media it is represented as something “cool” or aspirational.
Me at 15, was influenced a crap ton with this mindset because of how these situations were represented wrongly in media. (Films, tv shows, books) and I want to remind people that theres still these influences happening like tiktok romanticization.
So no, im not looking for a way to excuse anything. >15 year olds< shouldnt be experimenting their sexuality or flirting with older adults.
Thank goodness I didn’t actually meet up with these people but many other young girls are meeting up with these people without realizing how dangerous it is, they get abused and groomed and so much worse.
This needs to be stopped being normalized and romanticized period. Theres no excuse.
Girl I love this I could talk about this topic for days. The normalisation of pursuing older men has caused girls to get into situations they can't handle. None of them are aware of the mind fuckery it will put them through. It does work for some, but for many it will scar them. Young men do need to step up though. I also believe many girls pursue older men because it feels like they're the only ones with their shit together so young men come across as very immature compared to older men.
But at the same time, it’s also just so sad that young girls feel compelled to even step into that territory. I mean so many shows I grew up on like gossip girl and pretty little liars. Definitely gave me that validation that I needed at 15 to feel secure within myself to start texting literally middle-aged men.😩😩😩😩
That is so scary ….
I’d love to hear your perspective on my newer piece where I talk about female friendships and that being a girls girl isn’t 100% possible all the time
For me it was Lana del rey. I love her but she made the idea of being with an older man so normal in my head. I'm still trying to rewire my brain😭 Yeah I'll give your new post a read💕
As a filmmaker and creative, I see art whether music, film, or visuals as a way to tell stories from a chosen perspective.
Lana Del Rey often writes and sings from the point of view of a naive young girl, reflecting her trauma and past experiences.
People who interpret this as her romanticizing age-gap relationships are taking it too literally and at face value. This misunderstanding fuels edits and imagery that wrongly romanticize older men, which then get associated with her music.
In reality, her work often critiques these dynamics, but through the lens of a character who doesn’t yet see the harm. From her newest songs like A&W or fishtail she mentions that she unfortunately got 🍇
Yeah I'm very aware that she's not romanticising it. I can't stand people who misunderstand songs like Lolita or Ultraviolence. Don't even get me started on the unreleased songs lol. However, constantly listening to certain lyrics does have an effect on my thoughts. "I got a taste for men who are older" "My old is a bad man but I can't deny the way he holds my hand" "You're wrong but you're so much fun". I think it made my brain perceive these wrong situations as fun and exciting. Which is quite a common mindset for teenagers to fall into. There's just so many theories on this that's why I could talk about it forever.
https://open.substack.com/pub/urcoolaunt888/p/we-were-supposed-to-be-sisters?utm_source=app-post-stats-page&r=4gftfr&utm_medium=ios
"that seeking the approval or affection of older men somehow makes us more desirable" I couldn't agree with you more, yet I suppose you know just as well as me that the propaganda runs DEEP. There's also this mind trick that teenage girls feel like if they "earn" the validation of an older man, it crowns them as "special" and proves their worth. Unfortunately, sobriety only hits after growing up and realizing that those fucking predators will validate any female human form of age xteen. Thank you for this piece; it's an issue I can't seem to stop thinking about. makes me feel like a child throwing a tantrum
Totally agree with you, thank you for reading <3
I truly enjoyed the reading. Another perspective I'd like to point out is that there's often a narrative suggesting that the girl is exceptionally mature, implying that's the reason in the case of age gap relationship. However, I noticed that in many cases the reality is that the older man is the immature one and he may struggle to connect with peers his own age, that's why he relies on younger girls who see him like a trophy they managed to win
Thats so interesting i didnt even think of that! Thank you for the POV💕
I’d love to get your opinion on my most recent post where I talk about how it’s not possible for girls girls to be that 100% ! I’d love to hear from your POV!
https://open.substack.com/pub/urcoolaunt888/p/we-were-supposed-to-be-sisters?utm_source=app-post-stats-page&r=4gftfr&utm_medium=ios
I hate that this is such a common experience - but I feel seen by you writing about it
Its bittersweet, im glad my writing is making you feel seen- on the other hand its depressing and disheartening that this is actually a common experience
such a good piece! a month ago i wrote about my own experiences with age gaps and this really resonates with me
I would love to read it!
https://open.substack.com/pub/magdalenavstheworld/p/my-unpopular-opinion-about-teenage?r=1rsjw4&utm_medium=ios
Just read it and I loved it!
this is such a good point. when you brought up the student and teacher dynamic that unfortunately reminded me of the time my virtual high school math teacher got charged for texting one of the girls!! my heart still breaks for her every time
That is so horrible, I hope shes doing better now😞💕 Its sick.
Thanks for this I love this essay so so much — I swear one of the contributing problems is the fact that marketing and IG Lana Del Rey decided to make Lolita an AESTHETIC! What’s so gorgeous about a victim? But now when people think of Lolita I think their first thought goes to red, heart shape glasses and/or lollipops rather than the actual depravity of the power dynamics between people of different life stages 💀
With the whole Lana Del Rey Lolita thing I do see it differently.
Because I studied film everything that’s done in a music video or a created Image is done on purpose, but that doesn’t necessarily mean someone like Lana Del Rey is normalizing and romanticizing going after oldermen.
Sure she sings about it and it might sound like she is validating that experience but I think it’s that she’s honestly taking the perspective of a young girl who thinks this is the right thing to do, so shes singing and writing from that perspective in that voice .
It’s fans and people using her music, to re-emphasize what they believe Lana is saying which is romanticizing age gaps when they make those weird edits .
They are not understanding why she decided to write or sing from that perspective and are seeing it at face value
Thanks for the response! I think u make a pretty good pt :)
Me experimenting at 21 is SO different with my actions at 15. CHILDREN should not be texting and flirting with older adults .
This essay uses some personal stories and experiences from myself, not to normalize or excuse this behavior but to bring awareness to the fact that many young girls (and im sure some boys) are seeking validation from older people to get validation from them, to make them feel desirable. This is dangerous and absolutely not okay, but this continues to happen because mostly in media it is represented as something “cool” or aspirational.
Me at 15, was influenced a crap ton with this mindset because of how these situations were represented wrongly in media. (Films, tv shows, books) and I want to remind people that theres still these influences happening like tiktok romanticization.
So no, im not looking for a way to excuse anything. >15 year olds< shouldnt be experimenting their sexuality or flirting with older adults.
Thank goodness I didn’t actually meet up with these people but many other young girls are meeting up with these people without realizing how dangerous it is, they get abused and groomed and so much worse.
This needs to be stopped being normalized and romanticized period. Theres no excuse.